Shattered
by Swarek-Malfoy
Summary: After losing everything she cares about, Andy hits rock bottom. Is she too far gone to help? WARNING: Self harm/cutting. Set after 3x09
1. Mistake

**A/N: So yeah, I have a bit of writers block for A Beautiful Disaster, I can't figure out how the apology should go and what Sandy should say, do you guys have any ideas? if so please let me know. :)**

**Now, this story idea came to me after watching the latest episodes of Rookie Blue, its more dark than what i usually write, so just beware. The titles and quotes for each chapter come from Demi Lovato's cd Unbroken. She is my biggest inspiration and her music has helped me through some very tough times.**

**I hope you like this story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue or anything Demi Lovato.**

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**SHATTERED**

**Chapter 1 – Mistake**

"_I see it written on your face, you know you made it, your greatest mistake"_

It has been 4 days since she talked to Sam. It has been 4 days that Sam has avoided her. It has been 4 days since Jerry lost his life and today was his funeral. This was not how it was supposed to be; Jerry and Traci were supposed to get married and have their happily ever after. Instead they watched as Jerry's coffin was lowered into the ground, forcing them to say goodbye.

Sam did not look away from the coffin throughout the whole service, the watch weighed heavy in his pocket. His best friend was gone and he wasn't coming back. Sam knew she was watching him but he refused to meet her eyes. He knew she was hurting, but so was he.

After the funeral, everybody met at the Black Penny for a final toast to their fallen friend. Traci tearfully read the speech that Jerry had written for their wedding and there wasn't a dry eye in the pub. That and seeing the seat in which Jerry always sat, empty, was more than Sam could take, so he left.

"Sam" he heard her call his name and he stopped in his tracks.

They stood in silence for a minute or so before she spoke again, "You were right, the guy was playing me"

"Sorry" was all he said

"You know for the record, I would do it again, because if there was even a small chance that he was telling the truth…"

"I know, you're right, it's our job" he replied

She could tell that this was the last place he wanted to be right now, talking to her. But all she wanted to do is help him, whether he wanted it or not. "I know you're grieving, I know we all grieve in our own way… but don't take this out on me"

Sam finally met her eyes "I did take it out on you, sorry"

"If you really blame me for Jerry…"

"I don't" he interrupted her "I blame myself, I should have followed my gut and went with Jerry, instead I listened to you. I got into the habit of listening to a rookie's instincts instead of my own". He saw the hurt in her eyes, something she could never hide from him.

"I…if you don't blame me, then why are you mad at me?" she asked him

"I'm not mad, I just…I can't do this anymore" he sighed

"Can't do what?" she asked through her tears, dreading the answer

"I can't be a cop and be with you" when he said it, he knew he should take it back but he just couldn't

"Sam, this is not about our job" she said

"We knew this was trouble, even before we started…"

"Okay look" it was her turn to interrupt "I'm trying to talk to you, I want to go through this with you're…I know you're hurting"

"Maybe you're right, maybe I'm not myself, I don't know…but this is my feeling, in my gut, right now alright" he hated hurting her, but he felt he had to. He couldn't live with himself if because of his judgment she got killed too "I can't do this anymore" he repeated.

"No, you don't mean this" she sobbed

"Someday, we'll be able to be friends"

"Don't do that" she cried like a wounded animal "Don't take everything we are and button up our relationship with some stupid cliché…are you saying it's over?"

Sam had no idea what to say, so he said nothing.

"Then leave" she whispered, heartbroken "Just get in your truck and go"

He looked at her remorsefully, but now it was her turn not to meet his eyes, and he left.

Andy watched her life drive away.

The next morning at work, she found out that Sam had taken another undercover assignment, taking her heart with him.

* * *

Two weeks later, everything at the station seemed back to normal, well as normal as it could be with the circumstances. Traci put up a good front, but Andy knew her friend well enough that working everyday at 15 division and seeing Jerry's empty desk and living in a house that she would never share with him again, was tearing her apart inside.

"Andy? Can I come in?" Traci asked from the other side of the door of the hotel room Andy was staying in until she finds a new place.

"Yeah" Andy replied, welcoming her in "Is everything alright?"

"Um yeah, I just…" Traci sighed "I can't do this anymore"

Andy immediately flashed back to that night outside the penny, when Sam said those exact words, the pain she felt then came rushing back. She knew what was coming.

"I can't keep seeing his empty desk at work, living in a house that we shared and know he's never going to walk through that door again" Traci continued "There's a job opening in Sudbury…I wanted to tell you before you found out from someone else, I…I'm taking the job, it's something I have to do"

"I understand" Andy told her and she really did, but it still hurt that her best friend was leaving.

Traci gave Andy a sad smile "I'll come visit, I promise"

Andy gave a small smile "I know you will, I'll come visit you to"

"Are we okay?" Traci asked, sensing Andy's sadness

"We're great Traci" Andy replied with a reassuring smile

"Good" Traci said, then she asked "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine" Andy answered, although she was anything but.

* * *

Traci had left about a week ago, and Andy tried to carry on as usual but it was becoming increasingly difficult. Her mother trying to insert herself back into Andy's life was beginning to wear her thin; and if that wasn't enough, her mother being back drove Tommy to start drinking again after a year of sobriety. Everything just seemed to keep spiraling down.

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**So what did you think? I have the second chapter written and the other chapters all planned out. Would you want to read more?**

**Please Review**

**Luv ya!**


	2. For the Love of A Daughter

**A/N: Thank you all so much for your reviews, story alerts and story favorites, it means a lot to me :)**

**SHATTERED**

**Chapter 2 – For the Love of a Daughter**

"_Oh father, please father, put the bottle down for the love of a daughter"_

Tonight she had gotten yet another call from the bartender; her father was drunk again and the penny was closing. When she got there, she apologized to the bartender once again and placed her father's arm over her shoulder to hold him steady as they walked out to his car. Andy put him in the passenger seat and buckled him in before she got in the drivers seat.

"Dad, where's your keys?" she asked

"Don't know" he slurred

Andy sighed and checked his pockets and found them. She started the car and drove him home; it broke her already shattered heart to see him like this. He was doing so well too.

"I love you baby" he slurred, drunkenly kissing her forehead

"I love you too" Andy told him, oh how she loved him, despite all the mistakes, she loved her father terribly.

She helped him up to his apartment and set him on his bed and he passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow. "Oh dad, why do you let her do this to you?" she asked knowing she wouldn't get an answer. Her mother's return not only wreaked havoc on her life, but her father's as well.

* * *

"Andy are you okay? You look like you haven't slept in weeks" Gail asked as they patrolled the streets of Toronto.

"Thanks for telling me I look terrible" Andy replied back

"I didn't mean it that way" Gail said "When's the last time you slept?"

"Last night" Andy stated the obvious

Gail rolled her eyes in a typical Gail fashion "I mean when did you last get a good nights sleep?"

Andy thought for a moment "I don't remember"

"Andy you can't keep doing this, have you even looked for a new place yet?" she asked

"Yes I have" Andy answered "And it's not that, I just have lots on my mind"

"Is this about Swarek?" Gail pried

Andy clenched her jaw at the mention of his name "No"

Before Gail could respond, the radio flared to life. The dispatcher sent them to a motor vehicle accident; a four car pileup with one fatality.

When they got there and saw the damage, they were amazed that there was only one fatality. Oliver stopped Andy before she could enter the scene.

"McNally, I think you should stay here" Oliver told her

"It's my job to be here" Andy told him and tried to push past him

"Andy" he tugged her back "The fatality was a 49 year old woman, a social worker, by the name of…Claire McNally"

Andy's eyes widened in shock "What?" she whispered

"I'm so sorry" Oliver said sadly

Andy didn't know what to feel. So many emotions riled up inside her; sadness, anger, remorse, regret. You name it she felt it. Her mother was gone, this time for good. She would never know if her mother had a hidden agenda or if she genuinely wanted to get to know the woman her daughter had become. On one hand, Claire McNally was the reason Tommy McNally started drinking again; but on the other hand, Claire McNally was still her mother and she loved her.

"How um…"Andy cleared her throat, trying to keep her emotions in check "How did it happen?"

Oliver looked at her sadly, not knowing how much to tell her. But once he saw the determined look in her eyes, he knew she wouldn't let him hold anything back. "According to witness accounts, the truck ran a red light and ran into your mo…the victim's car and pushed it into oncoming traffic" Oliver told her, Andy's eyes never leaving the wrecked car.

"Can…can I see her?" Andy asked

"Uh, I…I don't think that's a good idea" Oliver reluctantly told her

Andy knew why; her mother's body was most likely unrecognizable.

"Andy, listen" Oliver said "Is there anything I can do?"

"Um, no…I'm fine" she said "Thanks, um I should…I should go tell my dad"

"So you want me to go with you?" Oliver asked, wanting to help her in any way he could

"No, um…this is something I have to do myself"

Oliver nodded, understanding "Andy…let me know if you need anything…anything at all"

"Thank you" Any told him, and then she turned and left.

Oliver saw her wipe her eyes, but he still saw the tears the she tried to hide.

* * *

Andy had hoped against hope that when her father found out about her mother that he'd take it in stride, to grieve but not let it consume his life. But that didn't happen, no instead it only made him drink more and eat less. Andy had no idea how to help her father, nothing she said helped, and it was so hard to stay strong for him when she was grieving too.

About a week after her mother's funeral, things only seemed worse with her dad; he was intoxicated more than he was sober.

"No there are no pickles" Andy told Oliver, they were partnered today and of course they stopped for lunch

"You sure?" Oliver prodded jokingly

Andy didn't laugh or even crack a smile "Take a bite and find out" she deadpanned

Before Oliver could reply, Andy's phone rang.

"Hello?" she said

"Andy is that you?" Tommy asked

"Dad? Are you okay?" Andy asked worriedly, Oliver immediately stopped eating and was on alert.

"Your mother said she's going to pick you up for family dinner" Tommy slurred

"Dad, what are you talking about?" Andy asked alarmed "Mom's gone, she…she died in a car accident a week and a half ago"

"She's on her way there now, don't forget…I love you baby"

"Dad?" Andy said

There was no answer; all she heard was a thump on the other end of the phone.

"Dad?" she said again in hopes that he'd answer, she was filled with dread. His drinking increased over the past week, he was eating less. Confusion. One of the symptoms of alcohol poisoning.

She didn't even notice that Oliver had already called a bus, turned on the sirens and was speeding towards Tommy's apartment.

Oliver barely stopped the car before Andy jumped out and ran into the building. She used all her strength to kick down the locked door of her father's apartment. Her heart dropped to her stomach when she saw her father passed out on the floor, the smell of vomit in the air. She let out a cry; Oliver immediately knelt down beside Tommy and checked his pulse. It was weak and very slow. He leaned down to check his breathing; each breath was shallow and more than 8 seconds apart and Tommy's lips were turning blue. Oliver started compressions. "Come on Tommy, breathe" Oliver said "Breathe"

When EMS arrived, they took over. They vigorously tried to get Tommy stable, but their efforts failed as Tommy took his last breath.

"We lost him" The EMT said

"NO! No, no" Andy screamed, Oliver immediately wrapped his arms around her. The screams she let out were so heart-wrenching that Oliver had to hold back his own tears. Andy pounded on his chest "No, no, no, no, no" she cried and her knees gave out, she would have crumbled to the floor if Oliver didn't have a hold of her. "He's not gone, he can't be gone, no" Andy untangled herself from Oliver and launched herself down to her father's body.

"Daddy don't leave me, please" she cried heart-wrenching sobs "Please no!"

* * *

Just about everyone that ever knew Tommy came to his funeral. Traci came back to town to be there for Andy. Oliver tried and tried to get a hold of Sam, knowing that out of everyone, Andy needed him the most; but Oliver failed to get a message to him, Sam was just too deep undercover. It broke his heart to see that the light that always shown in Andy's eyes, the light that started to diminish after Sam left, was now gone. Completely.

After the funeral, Andy asked to be alone. No one argued with her. Her cheeks wet with tears, she sat alone at her father's grave.

"Why did you have to leave me?" she whispered, heartbroken

The pain in her heart was so intense, it just hurt so bad. She almost robotically took out the pocket knife that she always carried with her, the very same pocket knife that her father gave her for her 12th birthday; she place the blade against the skin of her wrist, she pressed hard and slowly pulled the knife across her wrist. Seeing the blood, feeling the different kind of pain, somewhat dulled the ache in her heart. The physical pain distracted her to some extent from her emotional turmoil, and she was grateful for that, even though it only lasted for a little while.

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**So what did you think of this one? Let me know and review**

**Thanks!**


	3. Who's That Boy?

**Disclaimer - I don't own anything**

**A/N: Thanks for all your reviews, they mean so much to me. This story is very special to me because most of what Andy goes through in this story is what i went through when I lost my dad.**

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**SHATTERED**

**Chapter 3 – Who's That Boy?**

"_Who's that boy? Oh he got me, no I never see, no one like him, damn he's everything"_

After about two years undercover, Sam Swarek stepped foot in 15 division, for his first shift back. Nothing seemed to have changed much; it also seemed that Jerry's desk was still empty. The pain he felt over his best friend's death was still there and always would be, but now it wasn't as overwhelming as it was two years ago.

Sam caught himself looking for her. He wanted to make things right with Andy; he hated the way he left things, seeing the hurt in her eyes as he said those words when he walked away from what they had. He wondered if she could ever forgive him, he wondered what she was doing now, if she was seeing anyone, he wondered where she was now and why he couldn't seem to find her in the precinct.

"Hey brother" Oliver smiled, patting Sam on the back "Welcome back"

"Nice to see you" Sam replied with a grin

"You're just in time for parade" Oliver said "Let's go"

"Hey buddy, where's Andy?" Sam asked and he could have sworn he saw a look of sadness cross Oliver's face.

"She's already in there" Oliver said and didn't offer anything else

Sam knew there was something Oliver was keeping from him "What aren't you telling me?" he asked

"I'll uh…I'll tell you later" Oliver replied with a small sad smile.

Sam sighed, something was wrong. He finally spotted Andy; she had her back to him.

"Well, I would like to start off by welcoming back Officer Sam Swarek" Best smiled, everyone welcomed Sam back with smiles and pats on the back, except for one person. Andy remained in her seat, still facing away from him. "Now on a serious note, as you probably know, John Wyatt escaped from Millhaven Maximum Security Institute late last night; he was convicted for the murders of Olivia Wilson, Marcy Dixon and Lydia Mercer. He is believed to be here in Toronto, he is most likely armed and very dangerous, be on high alert. This is a top priority. Serve, protect and be safe" Everyone got up and went out to start patrol "Swarek, McNally" Best called them back "I want you two working the desk, look at phone records, credit card receipts, talk to known associates, whatever it take"

Sam instinctively wanted to protest, but decided not to, this might give him a chance to talk to Andy.

"Yes sir" Andy said, her voice void of emotion and she still did not react to Sam's presence.

Sam got an eerie feeling. Andy was not herself. If he didn't look to Frank, he would have missed the sympathetic look he shot Andy, not that she noticed. Something happened while he was gone, and he was going to find out what. He must have zoned out in his thoughts because when he looked up, Frank was gone and Andy was walking away and he almost had to jog to catch up to her.

"Hey" Sam said to her, and he put his hand on her shoulder but she automatically pushed him away. It stung. "H…how are you?" he asked

"Fine" was all she said, and then she continued on to the work station.

Sam stopped her again "Andy…are you okay?" he asked concerned about her behavior.

"Fine" was her answer again.

"Andy…"

"Welcome back" she interrupted, but Sam got the feeling he was anything but welcome, and he didn't blame her…he treated her horribly.

They made their way to the desk where they would be working for the day and sat down.

"So…" Sam started, trying to make conversation "What happened while I was gone?"

"Nothing" she told him, and he finally caught a flicker of emotion in her eyes. Sadness. But it was quickly gone.

Sam sighed, knowing he wouldn't get any answers out of her and he got to work trying to track the fugitive down.

* * *

Sam had no clue what was going on. Andy was always so strong and resilient; their break-up alone wouldn't have broken her like this. He walked into the penny after work; he hoped to see Andy there. She left work after shift without saying anything at all to him.

"Hey Sammy" Oliver greeted "Saved you a seat"

Sam gave Oliver a small smile and joined him. Sam ordered a beer, his mind elsewhere "Is Andy here?"

Oliver immediately put down his beer and swallowed nervously, "She…she hasn't been here in a while"

"How long?" Sam asked

"About two years" Oliver replied, not meeting Sam's eyes

"What?" Sam asked shocked, his heart dropped "What…what happened to her?"

"I tried to get a hold of you" Oliver told him

"I was…"

"I know, you were in deep" Oliver interrupted and sighed "After you left, Nash transferred to Sudbury"

Although that must have hurt Andy, he knew there had to be more "That can't be all" Sam wondered out loud.

"Unfortunately it's not" Oliver replied sadly "You probably already know that Tommy started drinking after Claire McNally resurfaced." At Sam's nod, he continued "We got sent to the scene of a 4 car pile up, there were injuries of course but there was one fatality, Andy's mom. It was sheer luck that Collins and I arrived before Andy and Peck, it was a gruesome sight" Oliver cleared his throat, and then he pinched the bridge of his nose "About a week and a half later, McNally and I were on patrol…Andy got a call from Tommy, he was saying things that didn't make any sense, he was very confused. We immediately went to his place, and we found him passed out on the floor, barely breathing. Alcohol poisoning. He died right in front of our eyes. I'll never get that image of Andy out of my head, she was devastated." They both had some tears in their eyes at this point "Andy, she feels she's to blame fore everything; Jerry, Nash leaving, her parents. Everyone has tried to talk her out of it, everyone tries to help her, but she won't have any of it. She pushes everyone away, she doesn't laugh or smile. It's like she's a completely different person."

Sam felt like scum. Andy went through hell while he was gone, and he wasn't there to help her through it. He left to get away from everything…Andy stayed, and lost everything.

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**Please review!**

**Luv ya lots!**


	4. Hold Up

**_A/N: Thanks so much for your reviews :)_**

**Disclaimer - I don't own Rookie Blue or Demi Lovato**

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**SHATTERED**

**Chapter 4 – Hold Up**

"_This heist, got me skippin' a heartbeat, I'm giving up, I wanna run run runaway"_

Sam sighed, 3 days and another attempt to talk to Andy went down the drain. He asked her how she was, it hurt him knowing all she lost and that he wasn't there to help her through it. When he asked her how she was, she glared at him and said "I take my job seriously unlike some people, so I don't have time for small talk", then she walked away.

Gail Peck overheard the conversation, "If you want to talk to her, you're going about it the wrong way"

"What?"

"You know what I said" Gail told him "Asking thing like 'how are you?' is just going to piss her off more"

"Well then Peck, what am I supposed to say?" Sam rolled his eyes

"Don't know, just not that" she told him "It's the same reason she got upset when someone said 'I'm so sorry' after her parents. She doesn't want or need pity; you may mean well, but saying 'I'm sorry' or 'how are you' is just a reminder of all she lost and all she is going through still, so just…act like you would normally do around her"

Sam sighed.

"Look, I know you don't like being told what to do" Gail told him "You're hardheaded like most guys are, but if you want her to talk to you, then listen to me, I'm never wrong"

"Everybody is wrong at some point"

"Not me" she immediately replied

"Oh really, well what make you so sure?" Sam asked although he really just wanted to get to the squad car.

"She talks to me" Gail stated

Sam looked at her, trying to cover up his shock.

"That's right, she talks to me" she said, she felt almost like she was betraying Andy's trust telling all this to Sam, but maybe Sam can bring that light back in Andy's eyes. "She told me how she feels when people ask those questions and that if that's all people have to say, she'd rather them say nothing at all"

Sam nodded, _'Peck sure has changed since her rookie days'._ "Thanks" he said, grateful for the tip

"But if you hurt her again, I will make your life a living hell" she told him

'_Maybe she hasn't changed that much'_ Sam was grateful that Andy had so many people that cared about her "And I'll help you" he said, and then turned to join Andy who was waiting in the squad car.

"Oh and Swarek, make sure she eats something" Gail told him "She…forgets sometimes"

Sam was confused, _'How can she forget to eat?'_

The first half of the shift was tense. Andy refused to talk to him, the only thing she said was when he tried to start a conversation, she told him "Stop being so immature, you're a cop so act like it".

It was now lunch time so Sam stopped at a little diner.

"What do you think you're doing?!" she asked him annoyed

"Stopping for lunch" he replied _'Treat her like you would normally do'_ Peck's words played over in his mind

"In case you don't remember with that pea-sized brain of yours, there's a fugitive loose" she growled "We have to keep working"

"We have to eat" he told her "Look, you can stay in the car and I can bring you something out, or you can come in and eat with me…your choice, but either way we are getting something to eat" He looked over at her, she had her arms crossed and looked absolutely pissed, he took that show of emotion as a good sign and he got out of the squad car "Oh and Bambi, nothing about me is 'pea-sized', you know that" he smirked then headed into the diner.

As he expected, about 5 minutes later, she walked into the diner. "Decided to join me, huh?" he smirked again "I ordered you your favorite, chicken BLT right?"

She reluctantly nodded but not without glaring at him. When the waitress brought their food, Sam began to eat but Andy just stared at her plate. "You know, I still got 99 cheesy jokes stored up, so if you don't eat I have no problem embarrassing you again"

Sam could have sworn he saw her lips twitch a bit, but she said nothing as she started to eat, they ate the rest of their meal in silence. "Okay, were done eating, now lets get back to work" she ordered

Sam sighed _'At least she ate'_ he thought to himself.

Almost as soon as they got in the squad car, they got dispatched to a murder scene. Sam almost scoffed when he saw that Luke Callaghan was working the case. "So did Callaghan stay at 15?" Sam asked Andy

"No, he just helps out with the big cases" Andy said and then approached Callaghan "Who's the victim?" she asked

"Claudia Danville, 28" Luke said "Stabbed 3 times in the heart, wound patterns match John Wyatt's previous victims, she also fits his type, long brown hair, brown eyes, tall, 25 to 30"

'_Andy fits that type too'_ Sam thought to himself worried, he would have to keep an eye on her more so than he already was.

"Any leads?" she asked

"None as of yet" Luke replied

They went on to interview the witnesses. A while later Sam lost track of Andy, he looked all around and couldn't see her.

"Hey Callaghan" Sam said "Have you seen Andy?"

"No" Luke replied

At that moment, Gail ran up to them "I just got a text from Andy, she said she was following a lead, one of her informants called and said he saw Wyatt enter the vacant house next door"

"Did she give you an address?" Sam asked

"Yeah" Gail said, and showed them the address on her phone.

"That's only two streets over" Sam said

"Keep an eye on the scene" Luke told her, both he and Sam bolted to the squad car and took off.

When they arrived at the house, they saw that the front door was wide open, and so they ran inside, just in time to hear two gunshots.

"Shit, Andy!" Sam shouted

"Up here" she replied, although her voice sounded pained

They rushed up the stairs and saw Wyatt on the floor with a bullet wound in each leg and he was screaming in pain. Andy had reduced this sadistic serial killer to tears.

Andy was leaning against the wall.

"Are you hurt?" Sam asked while Luke handcuffed the perp and called for a bus.

"I'm fine" she said, although she didn't look it, she was gripping her side "It's just a little nick, I'm fine…promise"

Sam was still very worried though.

Backup arrived as well as the bus and Wyatt was escorted out. Luke took Andy's statement, and he told her that by the sounds of it, it was a clean shoot. The door was slightly opened when she arrived; she heard a noise from upstairs. Wyatt jumped at her with a knife, cutting her side. She shot him in the leg but he still came after her again, so she shot him another time, this time in the other leg effectively disarming him.

Andy refused to go to the hospital and refused to get checked out by the EMT.

"Andy, you're injured" Sam told her "You need to go to the hospital"

"I'm fine" she said "It's just a scratch"

"At least get it checked out" he replied

"I said No, alright?!" Andy spat.

"Uh Sammy" Luke said, Sam absolutely hated it when _he_ called him that "Why don't you take her home, she at least needs some rest"

"I told you I'm fine!"

"Andy either you let me take you to the hospital, or you let me take you home" Sam told her

"Fine, but I can take myself home" she grumbled

"Not without keys you're not" Sam said "So which is it, hospital? Or home?"

"Ugh, fine take me home" she told him, then mumbled "Jerk"

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**So what did you think? More drama ahead...**

**Please Review! (the more reviews, the faster the update ;)**


	5. Lightweight

**Disclaimer - I do not own anything Rookie Blue or Demi Lovato**

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**SHATTERED**

**Chapter 5 – Lightweight**

"_I'm a lightweight, easy to fall easy to break, with every move my whole world shakes"_

They stopped at the station to get changed and pick up Sam's truck and now they were headed to Andy's place. Sam couldn't believe where Andy was directing him to go. She lived in a very bad part of Toronto, where you had to be on high alert or someone would practically steal the shirt off your back. Being a cop and living in this neighborhood made it even more dangerous. He parked his truck then got out and went to Andy's side.

"What do you think you're doing?" Andy spat, trying discreetly to clutch her side as she got out of the truck.

"Helping you" he told her "You're hurt"

"I don't need your help"

"Well that's just too bad, because you're getting it" he replied with a smirk

"I'm not your concern anymore" she scowled at him

"Yes you are" Sam said "I care about you a lot" he locked his truck, then went with Andy; he could tell she was very reluctant about anything to do with him.

"Funny way of showing it" she mumbled but Sam didn't seem to hear her.

Every step she took was full of pain, she could feel the blood running down her side; she hid it from Sam. There was no way he would let her stay at home if he knew he wound was more than just a scratch; he would force her to go to the hospital…she wasn't about to let that happen.

The apartment building was actually the one that Sam lived in when he was undercover, the time Andy tackled him and blew his cover on her first day. Not a nice place. He watched as Andy took the keys out of her pocket and unlocked her door, she entered but then blocked him from entering as well.

"You can go now" Andy told him

"Not a chance" Sam said, gently pushing his was into her cramped apartment.

"Ugh Swarek just leave" she snarled, motioning to the open door.

"No" was all he said

She slammed the door loudly. "What the hell do you want huh? I'm fine on my own; I don't need you to baby-sit me! Hell I don't even want you around!"

'_That stung'_ but he knew it was nothing compared to the hurt that consumed her. "Whether you like it or not, I'm here and I'm not leaving"

Andy clenched her fists; the tenseness of her muscle caused her wound to throb almost making her cry out in pain.

Sam immediately spotted her grimace. "Are you okay?" he asked very concerned, placing his hand on her cheek.

She swatted his hand away "I told you I'm fine!" she said clutching her side

"Let me see it" he insisted

"No I'm fine" she shouted frustrated and in pain. He moved closer to her but she backed away "No! If you insist on being her then you keep your mouth shut, don't touch me and leave me alone! Got it?!" she didn't wait for a response; instead she headed to the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

She carefully pulled off her shirt to examine her stab wound, it was gushing with blood, and she was so lightheaded from blood loss that she had difficulty standing up. She reached for the peroxide but it slipped out of her hand and she collapsed to the floor, unconscious.

Sam was pacing outside the bathroom door when he heard a loud thump and he panicked, he banged on the door. "Andy?" When he received no response he yelled again "Andy?!" still no answer. "Andy come on, open the door!" again he was met with silence so he kicked open the locked door. The sight that he was met with immediately made him flash back to Jerry, seeing him on the floor fatally wounded, trying in vain to save his life, blood everywhere. Andy was lying there on the floor with a stab wound to the abdomen on the right side, blood beginning to pool beneath her. He fell to his knees beside her and lifted her wrist to check her pulse, what he saw broke his heart even more; her wrist was covered with thin scars, some old, some new and she obviously had two healed gunshot wounds, on her shoulder and the other on her left side. Her pulse was there but it was thready and weak, he grabbed her abandoned shirt which lied beside her and pressed it against her wound and pulled out his phone and dialed 911. "Come on Andy, stay with me!"

EMS arrived and they had to pull Sam away from her so they could do their job. He sat in the hospital, a place he hadn't been to since Jerry's death; waiting, hoping she would be alright.

The doctors managed to stabilize her, they told him that she had lost a lot of blood and that the knife had nicked her lung; but luckily they could repair the damage. He told him that Sam's actions most likely saved her life.

"So, she's going to be okay…right doc?" Sam asked unsure

"Yes, she's going to be fine" The doctor said

Sam sighed with relief "Can I see her?"

The doctor nodded "She's in the last room down the hall"

Sam rushed to her room; she looked so pale, so skinny, so small lying in that bed. He sat down in the chair by her bedside; he took her hand in his and brought it up to his lips. He watched her chest rise and fall with each breath and for the first time since he's been back, she looked calm and relaxed. He placed his other hand on her soft cheek and stroked it slowly with his thumb.

"I…I love you, you know" Sam said, trying not to think of how close he came to losing her "I should have told you so many times before this. You…you deserve so much more than all you went through and the way I pushed you away…that was the biggest mistake of my life" he sighed "I wish I had the guts to tell you all this when you're awake"

He looked at her sadly and thought about the self inflicted cuts on her wrist. About her being so far down that she felt it was the only way to ease her pain. He knew it had nothing to do with trying to commit suicide; he knew this because after Sarah was attacked, she turned to cutting…so he knew that it was a type of coping mechanism, not a good one but one all the same.

Her eyelids fluttered and Sam thought he was imagining it, but then her eyes opened.

"Hey" Sam said "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine" she rasped out her favorite answer. Sam poured her a glass of water and handed it to her. "I could have done that myself" she said, but accepted it gratefully "What happened?" she asked quietly although she knew most of it.

"Andy…it…it wasn't just a scratch"

Andy looked down "I know"

"Andy, you almost died" he almost whispered, and swallowed hard "Why…why didn't you tell me about the lead?"

"It wasn't your concern" Andy deadpanned

"Yes it was, you're my partner" he said _'And the woman I love'_

"Not in my books, you gave that up a long time ago" Andy answered "You can leave any time now"

Sam shook his head "Nope, not a chance" he said "Like I said before, you're stuck with me."

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**I hope you liked this chapter :) Please review!**


	6. All Night Long

**Disclaimer - I do not own Rookie Blue or Demi Lovato**

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**SHATTERED**

**Chapter 6 – All Night Long**

"_I'm so alone, no one is home"_

About a week later, Andy was released from the hospital; "I can walk on my own" she fought as Sam wheeled her out to his truck.

The nurse beside them replied "It's protocol", once Sam got her into the truck, she left and took the chair back into the hospital.

They drove in silence, that was until he turned down his street, "Where are we going? I don't live in this neighborhood"

"We're staying at my place" he stated

"No way" she said "Take me home, hell take me back to the hospital, I'd rather stay there than stay with you"

'_Ouch'_ he sighed at least she was talking to him "I'm not taking you to your place and the hospital is overcrowded as is" he told her

"What is my place not good enough for you, Swarek?"

"No Andy, do you realize how dangerous it is there? Even your building alone, being a cop and living there makes it even worse" He was worried about her

"What do you know" she spat

"A lot actually" he told her as he pulled into his driveway "I lived in that building when I was undercover trying to catch Anton Hill; it's full of druggies, dealers, gangbangers…people who hate cops" he saw Andy look down

I couldn't find a better place" she said

"Did you really look?" he asked "Andy I understand why you had to move out of your condo but you could have stayed with someone until you found someplace" when he saw the look on her face, he knew she didn't want to stay with someone then because she needed to be alone "You could have even asked Ollie for my keys and stayed at my place"

She glared at him.

Sam rolled his eyes "Andy enough with the glares" he told her, leading her into his house "You deserve so much better than what you settled for, what you've been dealt"

Andy scoffed "Like you?"

"No" he said, somewhat surprising her "You deserve better"

And with those words, a very small part of her hardened heart, softened.

ROOKIEBLUEABEAUTIFULDISASTER ROOKIEBLUE

Andy sat on the couch very quiet, feeling like she was being held prisoner. _'Why does he care so much?'_ she wondered to herself. She was glad he wasn't trying to get her to talk, that he was giving her space but at the same time she wasn't alone like she preferred to be.

Her body was so sore and every time she moved she felt her stitches pull. She carefully put her legs up on the couch; she forgot how comfy his couch was. Why was he so intent on helping her? Didn't he realize that she was too far gone to help? She didn't realize how tired she was, she could hardly keep her eyes open as she reluctantly drifted off to sleep.

Sam saw her sleeping, and was very thankful because she needed her rest especially since getting a good rest in a hospital was pretty much impossible. His eyes traveled down to her abdomen, he slowly pulled up her shirt just enough to check her bandage, she would kill him if she woke up right now; when he saw that it was clean and didn't need changed, he pulled her shirt back down and then grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and covered her up. He was glad she looked so relaxed but he knew that wouldn't last once she woke up.

A few hours later, Andy woke up to a delectable smell coming from the kitchen. She slowly got up from the couch and made her way to the kitchen just in time to see Sam pull a dish out of the oven. Sam looked up and smiled at her, "Hungry?" he asked as he cut a piece of what looked to be lasagna.

Andy just nodded and he handed her a plate and a fork, she sat at the table and began eating. Sam sat across from her and began eating as well.

"This is good" Andy said quietly,_ 'This is the best lasagna I've ever tasted'_

"Yes it is" he said "But I can't take the credit for it, Sarah stocks my freezer whenever I'm away as soon as I tell her I'm coming home…she always worries I don't eat right" he smiled "She's a chef and she owns a café in St. Catherine's."

The rest of the meal was eaten in silence, Sam didn't say anything and he didn't want to screw up any progress they made however small it was. She was being civil to him, which was more than he could ask for at this point.

After they finished eating, Sam brought their dishes to the sink. "I think maybe you should check your bandage" he told her "You should still change it about every six hours" She gave him a look and he held up his hands in surrender "I know you know that, I was just reminding you" he told her, _'I just want to make sure you're taking care of yourself'_

Once Andy entered the bathroom, she closed and locked the door. She ran her hand down her face and let out a shaky sigh, she figured if she was civil to him that he'd ask fewer questions. She rolled up her shirt, and saw that her bandage was spotted with blood, so she changed it. Afterwards she braced herself on the sink and looked at her reflection in the mirror. The frustration of everything was getting to her, being here at Sam's place brought back memories of when they were here, happy together; everything hit her at full force. So many mixed feelings and emotions that she didn't know what to do with; she tried splashing cold water on her face to try to calm her nerves, to jolt herself out of the overwhelming swirl of emotions, but it didn't work. She started pacing back and forth, she rubbed her temples in hopes of easing her mind but it was no use. The need to escape the churning positive and negative thoughts was intense; the urge to cut was just too strong. She took her knife out of her pocket and opened it; the blade gleamed in the bathroom light. She pressed the cool, sharp steel against the warm flesh of her wrist, she took a shaky breath as she slowly but firmly pulled the blade across her wrist. As the blood began to gather in the cut she made and the pain made an appearance, a feeling of calmness swept over her, she felt some relief from her jumbled emotions as she concentrated on the pain. She cleaned up the cut and then turned to the door; she took a deep breath, ready to put on her front that there was nothing wrong. She opened the door and there stood Sam with his arms crossed and a look of concern on his face.

"Are you okay?" he asked, she took longer than it should have took to change a bandage.

Her nostrils flared "I'm fine"

Sam looked at her oddly "Le…let me see your wrist"

Andy paled "Wh…what?"

"Let me see your wrist" he repeated and when she refused, he gently grabbed her arm and pulled up her sleeve. She tried to pull her arm back but he wouldn't let her. He looked sadly at the numerous scars on her wrist, some were recent and one was very fresh. _'Oh Andy'_ she refused to look at him "There are better ways you know" he told her quietly.

"For what?" she mumbled so quietly that he almost didn't hear her.

"For coping" he said, he saw her tense…the next question was one he knew would infuriate her but it was also one that needed to be asked "Ha…have you ever tried counseling?" her head snapped up and the fury in her glare told him that he went too far.

She yanked her arm away from him "I don't need a shrink!" she snapped at him. He tried to reach out to her but she backed away from him, towards the door.

"Andy…" he pleaded, he had no idea that the question would affect her this much.

"Don't you even try!" she shouted "If I see you following me you will not like what I will do to you", she gave him one last cold glare as she opened the door and ran. Leaving Sam to watch her go, powerless to help her at that moment.

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**So what did you think? I kinda have trouble conveying emotions in stories so if this chapter is kinda blah then that's why.**

**Please Review!**


	7. Fix a Heart

**A/N: Here is chapter 7 :) I noticed in a lot of your reviews that you all are hoping Andy will open up to Sam, but it will be a few chapters before that really happens. Sorry. But this story will be just 14 chapters long and I have all the chapters planned out so hopefully I won't keep you waiting for too long LoL.**

**Disclaimer – I do not own anything Rookie Blue or Demi Lovato.**

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**SHATTERED**

**Chapter 7 – Fix a Heart**

"_You can bandage the damage, but you never really can fix a heart"_

Sam knew she needed her space, but after a while he just couldn't hold back anymore. He couldn't leave her be like she wanted, he had to find her and make sure she was okay. He hopped in his truck and headed over to her apartment; very aware of his surroundings, hoping he would spot her. Once he got to her place, he knocked and received no answer, "Andy, please can you open the door?" he asked, but again he received no answer. He then decided to pick the lock. Once he got the door unlocked, he searched her apartment but found no sign that she was there. He wracked his mind, trying to think of where she would go. Then it hit him.

He sighed sadly, he had been sitting in his truck for almost twenty minutes, just watching her sitting with her head rested against her father's headstone; it broke his heart.

He hated the fact that he took part in shattering her heart. Losing everything she loved within a few months; the self-destruction was a given. Sam would do anything in the world to help her. He loved her, but he knew it was too little, too late; she wouldn't believe him if he told her now, he regretted not telling her how he felt when she told him, hell even before that because he has loved her for years. Maybe if he had told her then, things might've been different now.

He didn't want to push her to open up, but he knew she had to in order to heal; he just had to find a way to help her do that.

He finally made up his mind to approach her; his feet carried him slowly to where she sat drinking from a bottle of Jack Daniels that was almost gone.

Tears streaming down her cheeks "What do you want?" she slurred when she saw him.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay" he told her

She took another swig of the whiskey "Well, as you can see I'm fine…so you can go now"

"I'm not leaving you" he immediately said

Andy scoffed "Why not, you did it before"

Sam sighed sadly and sat down beside her "And that was the biggest mistake of my life"

Andy laughed humorlessly "And you know what my biggest mistake was?...trusting a prick like you" her words ran together.

Sam looked down, "I'm so sorry that I hurt you" he told her heartfelt

"It wasn't just you, you know" she spat, taking another drink and finished off the bottle "First my mom left me, then Luke cheated, you left me when you said you wouldn't, I understand why Traci left, my mom came back then a stupid guy ran a red light, my…my dad. You all left me…and…and you said I wouldn't get rid of you without a fight…but you left me" she cried "Everybody's gone, everybody leaves" she started hitting his chest "You promised you wouldn't leave me"

He tried so hard to hold back his own tears as he pulled her tightly to him. She fought him at first before she sunk against him, her body wracked with sobs. He had no idea what to do to ease her pain. It suddenly hit him that Andy lived where she did because it was close to where her dad was buried; she probably jumped at the first apartment she could find. His place was pretty close as well, but he finally understood why she didn't want to stay there…too many memories. He felt so guilty for making her stay there now.

Sam looked down at the woman in his arms, who looked to have passed out judging by her deep breathing. He struggled to stand up with Andy in his arms, and once he got up, he carried her to his truck. He sat in the driver's seat, wondering what to do, where to take her.

He decided to take her to her apartment, although he really didn't want to. One he arrived, he looked over at Andy who was still unconscious, and he sighed as he got out of his truck and went over to Andy's side. He slowly opened the door, careful not to let her fall out; he slipped one arm below her knees and the other under her back, and he carefully lifted her out of the truck and locked the door. He shifted her in his arms to get a better grip on her before he entered her building and carried her up to her apartment. "Andy" he tried to wake her up "Do you have your keys?" he asked and she just groaned. Sam sighed, and set her down on her feet and supported her against the wall. Picking a lock while holding up an unconscious person was not an easy feat; he struggled to get the door unlocked and he let out a sigh of relief when it finally clicked. He put one of her arms around his neck and then lifted her back into his arms. Once he locked the door behind them, he brought her to her room and put her to bed. He gently caressed her cheek and then he placed a soft kiss on her forehead. He moved to exit her room, but stopped when he heard her voice.

"You didn't fight" the tone of her voice was gut-wrenching "You…you said I wouldn't get rid of you without a fight"

He swallowed hard "Andy I…"

She interrupted him with a sad whisper "What did I do wrong?"

He sat down on the edge of her bed and placed his hand on her cheek, "Andy…you didn't do anything wrong" he told her "It was all me, I…I was so scared that I could lose you like Traci lost Jerry" he felt her warm tears cascading down his hand "In my mind, I thought it was the only way I wouldn't really lose you. Thinking about it now, it doesn't make a lot of sense…it was selfish and stupid of me…"

He stopped when he noticed her deep breathing, he tenderly wiped the tears from her cheeks and then he covered her up. He hated himself for the part of her he broke, and the damage that was caused by all the losses she suffered, losses that he should have been here for to help her through. He was going to help her bandage the damage and do what he could to fix her heart.

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**_So what did you think of this chapter? What do you think of the chapter titles and the song lyrics?_**


	8. In Real Life

**A/N: sorry it took so long :S I hope you didn't lose interest. I also currently have an update to A Beautiful Disaster in the works, so hopefully I wont keep you waiting much longer on that one.  
**

**Disclaimer - I do not own anything Rookie Blue or Demi Lovato**

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**SHATTERED**

**Chapter 8 – In Real Life**

"_In my dreams, you're standing right beside me, two hearts finally colliding, then I wake up and realize, this is real life"_

Andy twirled excitedly and looked at herself in the mirror, unable to stop grinning. Today is the day that she becomes Andy Swarek.

"You look so beautiful Andy" Tracy told her, rubbing her 7 month pregnant belly

"I can't believe it" Andy beamed "I'm getting married!" she jumped up and down

"Excited?" Traci laughed

"Just a little bit" Andy joked

There was a knock on the door and Jerry entered.

"What are you doing here?" Traci asked her husband, he kissed her softly and caressed her swollen tummy.

"Sammy wanted me to check on Andy" he smiled and then turned to Andy "He wanted me to make sure that your still here"

Andy laughed "He's worried?"

"Yeah, he's so anxious" Jerry said "He's been pacing nonstop and keeps saying that you're too good for him"

"What did you tell him?" Andy smiled

"That he's right" Jerry told her with a smirk "And that he'd better hope you didn't come to your senses"

Traci whacked him across the head "No wonder he's pacing, you're not helping any"

They laughed and then Jerry left.

Andy's father came in, "Are you ready pumpkin?" Tommy smiled

Andy took a deep breath "Yup"

Traci walked down first, smiling at Jerry who stood next to Sam.

Andy and her father were next; she almost laughed at the look on Sam's face, he looked so nervous but once he caught sight of her the nervousness turned to complete awe. He gazed at her lovingly and then a goofy smile spread across his face. It seemed like it took her forever to reach Sam, and once he took her hand from Tommy, she struggled to keep her tears at bay.

She drowned out what the minister was saying, she was so lost in Sam's deep brown eyes. She must have said 'I do' when she was supposed to because the next words she heard was 'You may now kiss the bride'. She grinned and jumped at Sam, pressing her lips to his; they were completely in their own little world and only pulled apart when Jerry cleared his throat.

"Save it for the honeymoon guys" he told them with a chuckle

Both Andy and Sam laughed happily.

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Andy gasped, and her eyes shot open with a smile still on her face. Her head throbbed as her vision came into focus, she took in her surroundings and her smile turned into a frown. It was all just a dream, as she took in the sight of her dinky room in her rundown apartment; four words came to mind…this is real life.

She groaned when the smell of bacon wafted through her nose, it was almost nauseating. She slowly got out of bed and made her way to the kitchen; she groaned again at what she saw, there stood Sam Swarek flipping pancakes in her diminutive kitchen. He heard the floor creak under her feet and he turned around.

He gave her a small smile "Hey" he greeted

Andy just pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Here" Sam said handing her a cup of coffee, along with two ibuprofen. He then guided her to the table and pulled out her chair. He went back to the stove to turn the burners off and scooped a bit of everything on a plate and placed it down in front of Andy. She just cringed when she saw the pancakes, bacon and scrambled eggs. "Eat. It'll get rid of the hangover quicker" he told her.

She sighed and began to eat.

After they finished eating, Andy spoke up, "You brought me here" she said in a small voice.

"Yeah" Sam said, taking their dishes to the sink. "I didn't realize how…uncomfortable you'd be at my place, I'm sorry" he placed his hand gently over hers.

Andy stared at his masculine hand, her gaze drifted to his ring finger; she thought about how she wished there was a wedding band there and that her dream was true. Oh how she wished her dad was alive and Jerry, even her mom. It broke her already shattered heart that if she ever got married someday, her father wouldn't be there to walk her down the aisle, there would be no father-daughter dance like she dreamed about since she was a little girl.

She pulled away from Sam and ran to her room and locked the door behind her. Her chocked sobs brought her to her knees, she could hear Sam talking from the other side of the door, asking if she was okay, but she tuned him out. The emotional pain was worse than any physical pain she ever felt in her life; knowing that everything in her dream would never happen, it was what it was. A dream. She did what had become her natural instinct over that past two years; she cut.

After a while her sobs turned to sniffles and about ten minutes later, her tears ceased. She took a deep breath and slowly unlocked her door. When she opened it, Sam stumbled in; she let out a short giggle when he fell on his arse.

"D…did you just giggle?" he asked amused "You think this is funny?"

Andy cleared her throat and held out her hand "Let me help you up"

He took her offered hand and stood up, his amused grin turned to a concerned look when he remembered why he was leaning against her bedroom door in the first place, "Are you okay?" he asked and she nodded "What did I do?"

Andy's eyes snapped to his, "It wasn't you, I…I just" she sighed as she struggled to figure out what to say. It was so hard to open up even a little bit after keeping everything bottled up for so long. But seeing that guilty look on his face, he really thought he did something wrong. She knew she had to open up, to him, even if it was just a little bit. "I had a dream…last night" she started "You were in it, and Traci…Jerry and my dad to…we were just so happy" a few tears leaked down her cheeks, Sam instinctively wiped them away. When he realized what he was doing, he pulled his hand away feeling slightly awkward, he really didn't want to do anything that might upset her again.

He gave her a small smile, "Th…that sounds nice"

"I…it will never happen and it…it was just too much" she stiffened when he wrapped his arms around her, giving into the need to comfort her. He was apprehensive at first but soon she relaxed in his arms.

He knew. _'…it was just too much'_, those words, he heard them many times before from Sarah. And like with Sarah, he had no idea how to approach the subject of getting help without offending her again.

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_**So...did you like this chapter?**_

_**My dad died when I was 13 and the dream Andy had is based on one I still have constantly, her feelings about it is based on mine as well.**_

_**I hope you liked it :) Please let me know and review!**_


	9. Unbroken

**_A/N: I'm so sorry about the extremely long wait!_**

**__Disclaimer - I do not own Rookie Blue or Demi Lovato**

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**SHATTERED**

**Chapter 9 – Unbroken**

"_Locked up tight, like I would never feel again"_

Sam was glad that Andy finally opened up to him, even if it was only a little bit. But now, she seemed to be avoiding him; it wasn't that she was stand-offish to him; it was more like she was uncomfortable around him. But he understood this defense mechanism; he saw the same thing with Sarah, after she would open up a little bit, she would shut down; it was as if she was afraid what everyone would think of her, so she pulled away to avoid being hurt. Andy seemed to be much like Sarah in that aspect, one step forward led to two steps back.

He brought her a coffee everyday, she accepted it with only a thanks and nothing more. Even though he understood the reason behind her avoidance, it still hurt; he realized this must have been how she felt when he avoided her after Jerry died.

Sam and Andy were partnered today, and when she still didn't say a word to him he asked "Andy, what happened to the girl that was allergic to silence?"

Her lips quirked slightly "Nothing…I…I just don't have anything to say"

"You've had nothing to say for the last week" She looked down and he sighed, "Look, Andy I get it"

She looked at him confused.

"Sarah…after the attack, she closed herself off from everyone" he told her "And every time she opened up even a little bit, she closed herself off again…she was scared of what we would think of her, she had this intense fear of disappointing us and she felt that if she allowed herself a moment of what she saw as weakness, that we'd be disappointed in her for not being strong."

Andy let out a shaky sigh and looked away from him.

"But we prayed for those moments" he continued "Because the more she opened up, the stronger she got. It took a long while but eventually our parents got their daughter back, and I got my big sister back…Andy, it's okay to tell someone what's on your mind, it's not being weak and no one will ever think less of you because of it." He looked over at her and saw her swallow hard, but she didn't seem distressed "I'm not saying you should open up right now, but I promise you that it will help, and when you decide you're ready…I'm here"

She looked at him with tears in her eyes and gave him a small nod; that was more than he hoped he would get. "Now for lunch" he smiled changing the subject "What would you like?"

Andy relaxed at the change of subject, "KFC" she answered

"Grease on a stick" Sam chuckled "Sounds good to me"

After they finished eating, they got a call to a hit-and-run, immediately Andy saw someone in the distance walking away from the scene. Andy jumped out of the car before Sam pulled it to a stop and she took off running, she caught up to him in no time and tackled him to the ground. She cuffed him and brought him back to the squad car, Sam was looking at her with pride in his eyes and it made her heart flutter She swallowed hard and shook her thoughts from her mind, thinking about him and reacting to him would do her no good. She worked so hard to build up her defenses and she wouldn't allow him to tear them down.

On the way back to the station, he could tell she was putting up her walls again and he had no idea what he did to cause that. For the rest of the shift, she refused to say a word to him and like before, it was one step forward, two steps back. After shift, he looked for her but he couldn't find her anywhere, he saw Gail finishing up some paperwork "Hey Peck, have you seen McNally?" he asked

"Yeah, she just left" she answered

Sam sighed and then walked out to his truck, as he drove down the street he let out a breath of relief when he saw Andy walking and he pulled up beside her. "You want a ride?" he asked her. She just shook her head and kept walking; Sam sighed and drove ahead a bit, he then swerved the truck and cut her off, "Come on Andy, I'm sorry for whatever I did" he told her and she met his eyes "Look you don't have to talk, just let me give you a ride okay?"

She let out a frustrated sigh, but she gave in. As they drove Andy felt the need to clear a few things up "You didn't really do anything, its just…you…um…you looked proud of me and…"

"I am proud of you" Sam told her as if it should be a well know fact

"But, there's not point for you to be proud of me…I'll only disappoint you" She almost whispered

Sam sighed as he pulled up in front of Andy's building "I've never been disappointed in you…actually just once when you were with Callaghan because I knew you could do so much better and deserved better" that comment got a hardly noticeable smile out of her "But other than that, I've never been disappointed in you"

She looked at him with tears in her eyes, again he was making her heart flutter again and she had no idea what to do about it.

"Listen, Andy" he started "Since we both have tomorrow off, maybe…we could do something" Andy's breath hitched in her throat, "You don't have to, I just thought maybe…" he trailed off unsure of himself

But after a while she replied hesitantly "Wh…what did you have in mind?"

Sam was shocked but elated "If I told you, it'd probably get my ass kicked" he chuckled nervously. She looked at him apprehensively so he summed up the courage to continue; he reached between his seat and the consol and pulled out a section of newspaper. Andy saw that it was the classifieds of apartments for rent, her eyes widened and Sam could see her beginning to withdraw from him. "Look, you don't have to…it's just I know what this neighborhood is like and I really worry about you living here" Andy was very quiet but she didn't move to get out of the truck, so he took that as a good sign.

Everything was absolutely silent for about five minutes; Andy thought about his offer to help find her a better place, she knew it was sheer luck that no one there figured out she was a cop and came after her yet, Sam was right, it was extremely dangerous. Maybe it was time for her to start getting her life back on track, so she made her decision "I…okay"

Sam's eyes widened "Really?" he asked, then he gave her his signature smile "I'll pick you up at ten"

Andy nodded and got out of the truck, but before she went into her apartment building she turned back and gave him a smile "Thank you Sam" she then made her way inside, leaving Sam stunned.

Sam watched her go and a wide grin spread across his face; she called him 'Sam' for the first time in two years.

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**So how was it? I'm not really happy with this chapter, but I promise the next one will be better :)**

**Please Review!**


	10. Together

**I hope you like this chapter :) After this one there are 4 chapters left.**

**Disclaimer - I do not own Rookie Blue or Demi Lovato**

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**SHATTERED**

**Chapter 10 – Together**

"If you acknowledge the pain, and you want to change, you can get through anything"

The apartment hunting went surprisingly well, even after they looked at approximately 10 different apartments, Sam was extremely patient with her and he kept things light and for that she was grateful. The apartment she chose was the last one they looked at and it turned out to be only three streets away from Sam's place; she was not sure how she felt about that, Sam was worming his way back in her life, he was breaking through the walls she worked so hard to build, but she was so scared of getting hurt again. Over the last two years, she learned to expect to get hurt, so when it did happen hopefully it wouldn't be as painful. It worked sometimes, but most of the time she was just fooling herself; it hurt when he avoided her, it hurt when he left, it hurt when Traci left and it hurt when she lost her mom and then her dad and she didn't know how she could ever be okay again and she didn't know if she could ever trust Sam again, or anyone really.

She looked at Sam who was now bringing her last box into her new apartment and she could tell he was practically walking on egg shells around her; it made her feel kind of guilty about it, but she couldn't stop how she felt. Sam had this knack for tearing down the walls she built to protect herself; the walls she built after he left were stronger than any ones she built before, but he still managed to crack them.

"Do you need help unpacking?" Sam asked her

Andy froze "Um…no…I think I got it handled" she felt bad when she saw the slight disappointment in his eyes before he quickly covered it up.

He gave her a smile "Okay, then I'll see you tomorrow?"

She nodded and managed to give him a small smile, and then he left. She sighed after the door closed, why was everything so messed up? She'd come to terms that she still had feelings for Sam, but she couldn't bring herself to do anything about them.

The next day at work started off like any other and Sam brought her a coffee like always.

"Before I give you your assignments for today, I would like to say that we found a permanent replacement for the detective position, please welcome back Detective Traci Nash" Frank said during parade

Andy's eyes widened in shock when she saw Traci walk to the front for the room, she was so happy that Traci was back but she was somewhat hurt that Traci didn't tell her about it herself.

"Now, assignments are; Epstein/Diaz, Collins/Shaw, Peck/Swarek, and McNally you're with the D's today"

As the pairs went out on patrol, Andy slowly approached Traci.

"Traci" they both had tears in their eyes, seeing each other in person for the first time in almost 2 years. Andy pulled her into a tight hug, "I can't believe your back"

"Me neither" Traci smiled "I asked Best to put you with me today, we really need to catch up"

Once they reached their workstation and were completely alone, Traci changed the subject from work to Andy. "How are you, Andy?" she asked

'Damn I hate that question' Andy sighed "I'm fine"

Traci gave her a look "I mean really"

Andy knew by the way Traci asked that she knew, Andy swallowed hard "Who told you?"

Traci hesitated "…Sam"

Andy sighed; she figured as much "How much did he tell you"

Traci looked apprehensive "Everything" she said quietly, waiting for an outburst from Andy…but it never came.

"Is…is that why you came back?"

"No" Traci answered honestly "I came back because I was ready, and when Best told me that they never filled Jerry's job, I knew it would be the best fit for me…I didn't tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise" Traci knew she had to tell her the rest "Sam called me two weeks ago and told me everything and why you never told anyone how you were feeling. Andy I really wish I was here for you through everything…but I'm here now"

Andy scoffed "Are you going to tell me I need help too? Sa…Swarek already told me I should several times"

"Andy it helps, trust me" Traci pleaded "After Jerry…I was a wreck and when I left I knew I had to be strong for Leo and it was too hard to do with my heart broken; so I got counseling, it started off being once a week, then it went to every two weeks, it helped more than I ever thought it could. I would be so much worse off now if I hadn't of the help I needed…Andy I think you would really benefit from seeing a psychologist, I know that you don't want to feel the way you do forever, and I'm not saying you should go this minute, I'm just asking you to at least think about it"

Andy just nodded

"And don't be mad at Sam for telling me, he did it because he cares about you, a lot" Traci told her

"I know he does" Andy sighed "He's been trying to be there for me and to gain my trust back…damn he's relentless"

Traci was quiet for a moment "I think its love"

* * *

It's been a week since her talk with Traci, and she decided now was the time to get the help everyone said she needed because she had finally come to terms that she needed it. She took a personal day for the first time in years and went to the ER. Her phone was on silent so everything would go uninterrupted, and she didn't want to have to explain to anyone why she took a personal day. She was very nervous, she had no idea what seeing a doctor would entail; when her name was called she swallowed the lump in her throat and followed the nurse to the exam room.

Sam was freaking, he had no idea where Andy was and when Frank told him that Andy took a personal day, he got even more worried because that was not like Andy. He was luckily on his own today, so he checked Andy's apartment, the cemetery, and the Penny but she was nowhere to be found. He was getting frantic, enough so, that he went back to the station and traced her phone; his heart dropped to his stomach when he saw where she was. The hospital. He darted out of the station and raced to the hospital and just as he was heading inside, Andy emerged; he sighed in relief when he saw she was all in one piece and immediately engulfed her in a tight hug.

"Sam, what are you doing here?" She looked at him confused

Sam cleared his throat, "I…um…I tracked your phone…I was worried, is everything okay?"

Andy looked up at him and smiled, "Yes, it will be" she answered, she pulled out the two pieces of paper from her pocket and showed him; one was an appointment for a psychiatrist and the other was a number for counselor.

Sam's eyes widened "You're…" he was at loss for words

Andy nodded "I'm getting help"

Sam looked at her with a proud smile, 'I love you' he wanted to say to her, but he knew if he said it now, it would ruin everything.

* * *

**Please Review! :)**


	11. Skyscraper

**_A/N: I'm sooooo sorry it took so long for me to update. Between working to upgrade my biology and being diagnosed with ADD, I had little time to work on this and when i did have time i found it extremely difficult to concentrate enough to write. I hope this chapter was worth the wait, its almost 4 times the length of my usual chapters..._  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue or Demi Lovato**

* * *

**SHATTERED**

**Chapter 11 – Skyscraper**

"_All my windows still are broken, but I'm standing on my feet"_

It's been 3 weeks since Andy finally admitted that she needed help, and after 3 grueling sessions the doctor was able to diagnose her; she remembered it almost word for word.

"_Andy with all you've told me, I believe it's more than just depression, have you ever heard of Borderline Personality Disorder?" Dr. Messner asked and when Andy shook her head, she continued "The unstable emotions, anxiety, the intense anger, impulsiveness and the self-harm, its all part of it. A person with Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD sees the world in black and white, to them there is no gray areas; and pushing people away but at the same time wanting to hold them close and never let go is part of it as well." Dr. Messner gave her a look that told Andy that she wasn't going to like this part "Now I know you're not going to like this...but I'm going to put you off work for 6 months"_

"_I can still work, I need my job…being a cop is everything to me" Andy protested_

"_I know this Andy" she said "But your recovery is the most important thing right now, and I think you need to focus on that"_

_Andy sighed resigned 'maybe she's right'._

_Afterwards Sam picked her up and took in her subdued expression "What's the matter?"_

_Andy sighed "She put me off work for 6 months"_

_Sam was quiet for a while, trying to figure out what to say "Maybe…maybe its for the best" before she could say anything, he continued "Maybe its better to concentrate on your health before going back to a very high stress job"_

"_I can handle it"_

"_Andy I know you can…but I know you can handle not working too" he told her "You're one of the strongest people I know and I think that this time off work will only help you be an even better cop than you already are"_

"_You think so?" she asked_

"_Yeah, I think so" he replied "And I want to be there for you every step of the way"_

_Andy swallowed hard unsure of what to say, on one hand she wanted him around but at the same time she wanted to be alone. These mixed feelings were overwhelming, but she decided to give him a chance, just one last chance, "I…I'll let you be there" the smile he gave her had her heart fluttering "But…it'll be a while before I can trust you again"_

_Sam just nodded with a determined look on his face, and she knew then that he was going to do anything possible to earn back her trust._

Now it was the 29th day of her disability leave…'disability', man she hated that word, it wasn't like she was injured or something. Sam helped her so much, even going as far as bringing paperwork for her to do just so she still felt included, and he always seemed to know what to do and what to say. No matter what she threw at him he just took it and calmed her, and he took most of the time that he wasn't on shift and spent it with her. She had almost come to expect him to show up after his shift and today was no different, she heard the knock on her door, she opened the door and there stood Sam with a bag from her favorite Chinese food take-out; it was just what she needed after the mentally tough day she had.

"You hungry?" he smiled

She gave him small smile and welcomed him in, Sam sat the food down on the counter and gave her a look.

Andy swallowed nervously "What?"

"Something's wrong" Sam pulled her gently over to the couch and sat down beside her "Do you want to talk about it?"

"The food will get cold" she said

"We can warm it up" Sam replied

Andy sighed, _'Opening up is the best thing you can do for yourself to heal'_ the doctor had told her, so she decided to do just that. "I…I had another dream" she let out a shaky breath "Well two actually…the first was my mom and I was starting to trust her again but then she walked away again and there was nothing I could do to stop her…that's when I woke up"

"And then what?" Sam asked carefully

"I fell back asleep about 20 minutes later…then the second dream…my dad…he was there…alive, it was like he was just gone for a while. I asked him where he was, why he didn't come back to me sooner…I could see him talking but it was like he was on mute, I couldn't hear him…then he kept getting further and further away, I couldn't catch him and then he was gone…it felt so real, it felt like he was alive and came back to me, but then he was gone"

By the time she had finished telling Sam about her dream, he had already pulled her closer and his arms were wrapped tightly around her. Sam pulled away just a smidge and she felt his thumbs on her cheeks gently swiping away her tears; she hadn't even realized she was crying. He pulled her back against him and they cuddled in silence which was just what she needed.

"It'll get easier you know" he whispered after awhile, Andy shifted so she could look up at him "And these feelings will ease over time…Sarah, she had terrible dreams and would wake up screaming, she shut everyone out and was constantly angry and she startled very easily; the doctor diagnosed her with PTSD and after that it was an uphill battle, but Sarah made it to the top and now she's happily married with three kids and she's the best chef I know and owns her own café…so with time it will get better"

'_How is it he can still make me feel better, even after everything' _Andy wondered. Their faces were so close that she could feel his warm breath on her cheek, and the look in his eyes…she knew that look; it was the same look he always gave her when he was about to kiss her. She found herself leaning closer just as he was, but at the last second he kissed her forehead instead and then pulled her tighter against him. She was a little disappointed, but she understood…he didn't want to push her.

* * *

5 months have passed since Andy was put off work and she was growing more restless as the days went on. The counseling sessions have helped quite a bit but she still felt as if she was stuck in a rut, like she was stuck in a deep hole that she had no hope of ever climbing out of.

Sam could tell how she felt just by the look in her eyes, even though she tried so hard to hide it. He thought of something that might just help her get past the hurdle that was holding her back; it was something he wished he would have done long before everything that had torn them apart. So now he stood nervously outside Andy's door, waiting for her to answer.

"Hey" he said when she opened the door

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?" she looked confused

"I have today off…you hungry? I know a great place" he asked

"Um…sure?" she seemed a little bit apprehensive

"Then lets go" he said and they left before she could change her mind.

They drove for about half an hour before Andy broke their comfortable silence. "How far away is this place?"

Sam shrugged, "About another hour give or take"

"An hour?!" Andy gasped "Are you kidding me?"

"Nope" he smirked "Trust me, it's worth it…but I did bring you a snack, it's in the glove box…I know how cranky you get when you're hungry"

Andy stuck her tongue out at him and then immediately opened the glove box to find a bag of her favorite chips. A small smile crept across her face, he remembered.

* * *

When they arrived at the small café in St. Catherine's, Sam looked over at Andy's sleeping form and smiled at the peaceful look on her face. He almost didn't want to wake her up, "Andy" he said tapping her shoulder, he chuckled when she swatted his hand away, "Andy come on, wake up" he said "We're here"

Her eyes fluttered open and she stretched with a yawn, "Where are we?"

Sam swallowed nervously, unsure about how she would react, "We're at…Sarah's Café". He waited for her to blow up at him, yell at him, hit him, anything; but instead all he saw on her face was nervousness, "Andy?"

"Why did you bring me here?" she asked quietly

"I wanted you to meet Sarah" he answered "I want you to see living proof that it does get better"

Andy was quiet for a moment before she replied "Did you just bring me here because of my…problems?"

"No" Sam said right away "I mean, it is part of it, but the main reason is that I want you to meet her and Matt and the kids…I want you to meet my family"

Andy was floored, in her mind just for a moment she wondered if the real reason he wanted her to meet his family was to rub it in that she had none left. But she knew he wasn't like that, it was just the way her mind works that had her thinking that everyone was out to hurt her; she was now beginning to realize that despite their past, Sam would never set out to purposely hurt her. But those thoughts she had now and then were just something that she couldn't stop. Sam looked at her like he knew exactly what she was thinking; she blushed a little under his gaze when he gave her a look that told her everything was going to be okay, "You really want me to meet them?"

"Of course I do" he smiled "But there's something about Sarah you should know…she's kind of forward and she says what's on her mind without thinking sometimes"

"So she's like her brother then?"

"I guess you could say that" he smirked "So you ready?"

Sam noticed her fidgeting nervously "Hey, you have nothing to worry about…they'll love you"…_'Like I do'. _Andy just nodded, and they both made their way inside. As they entered the café, the scent that greeted them made their mouths water. A girl no more than 16 looked up from her spot behind the counter where she was folding napkins and a big smile spread across her face, "Uncle Sammy!" she said excitedly "We didn't know you were coming" she wrapped her arms around him and he hugged her back just as tightly.

"Surprise" Sam grinned

Cece then caught sight of Andy who was lingering behind Sam looking very uncomfortable.

"Hi, I'm Cece" she greeted

"Andy" Andy replied

Cece's eyes widened "You're Andy?! Wow, I've heard so much about you" Andy swallowed nervously, so Cece continued, "Don't worry, all good things…Uncle Sammy talks about you all the time"

Sam cleared his throat, now it was his turn to feel uncomfortable, "Um…is you're mom in the kitchen?"

"Yup, she's getting everything ready for the supper crowd" A customer came in and Cece left to take their order.

Sam pulled Andy closer to him and led her towards the kitchen. Sarah had her back to them and a plate of brownies caught Sam's eye. He smirked as he stealthily swiped one off the plate and took a big bite.

"Mmm, still the best brownies ever" he said with his mouth full.

Sarah whipped around to face them, "Sammy!" she squealed excitedly and launched herself into his arms, and when she pulled away she smacked him.

"Hey what was that for?" he rubbed his red cheek.

"That was for stealing a brownie" her eyes widened when she saw Andy "Oh Sam, you finally brought her!" she smiled "Hi, I'm Sarah, Sammy's much smarter and better looking sister"

Andy laughed "I'm Andy"

"I know, Sam never stops talking about you"

"So I've heard" she smiled nervously

"Hey Sarah, how about you whip us up some of your phenomenal chicken parm" Sam gave her his best puppy dog look.

"I'll cook some for Andy" Sarah said with a calculating smirk

"What about your baby brother?"

"You got the 'baby' part right" she laughed "But you my dear brother have to work for your meal"

Sam sulked "How come Andy doesn't have to work for it?"

"She puts up with you, that's good enough for me" she winked at Andy "And she didn't steal a brownie"

"Then why did you leave them out in plain view if you didn't want me to steal one"

"I didn't know you were coming, otherwise I would have hid everything edible" Sarah shot back.

Andy smiled at the lighthearted banter between the two siblings, she could see the love between them and it reminded her of all the times as a child that she longed for a sibling. She must have zoned out because now she saw Sarah preparing food and Sam was tugging her out of the kitchen. They sat in silence at a table for a while before Sam spoke up.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Sam asked

Andy gave him a small smile "I was just thinking about when I was little, I always wished I had a brother or a sister…you're very lucky"

"I don't know about that" Sam joked trying to lighten her mood "She drives me absolutely crazy"

"I heard that Sammy!" Sarah shouted from the kitchen

"She hears everything" he muttered quietly

"Heard that too!"

Sam rolled his eyes with a smile

"Don't you roll your eyes at me" Sarah yelled again

At that, Andy burst out laughing.

"Oh you think that's funny do you" Sam folded his arms across his chest

Andy nodded "I like her"

Sam scoffed "I don't at the moment"

"Sammy if you keep that up I'll make you starve" Sarah said as she brought out two plates piled with the most delicious smelling food.

"Awe Sarah, you know I love you" he licked his lips as she set their food down in front of them

Sarah laughed "Suck up"

Andy took a bite of her food "Wow, this is amazing!"

"I told you it was worth the drive" Sam told her

Sarah put her hands on her hips "You drove for an hour and a half just for food?!"

"No, I just missed your charming personality"

After another smack and a muttered "Eat up smart ass", Sarah left them to their meal.

After they finished eating, Sarah immediately tugged Sam into the kitchen to help prepare for the dinner rush. Andy approached Cece and offered to help her out with filling the salt shakers and folding the napkins and such.

"Thanks" Cece said "But you really don't have to"

"I want to" Andy smiled

Cece smiled back "Thanks, my sister usually helps me but she's not here yet"

"Sam mentioned you have a sister…and a brother right?"

"Yup" Cece smiled at the mention of her siblings "Gabby, she's 9 and Tyler is 6…he can get very irritating"

"How so?" Andy asked

"He follows me around everywhere and he's in that 'why?' phase, that and the pranks…it's like he constantly feels the need to be a little terror" Cece laughed "Mom says he's just like uncle Sammy was at that age"

Andy smiled at the thought of a little Sam running around, living to annoy his big sister "You're lucky to have siblings though…I didn't have any"

"Really? Nobody to drive you crazy? I'd say you're the lucky one" Cece said and they both laughed "So are you Sammy's girlfriend? He never really said"

Andy swallowed hard and paled a bit, luckily she didn't have to answer because the bell on the door chimed and a man and two kids walked in. Cece smiled "Hey dad, guess who's here…Uncle Sammy and Andy"

Matt's eyes widened "The Andy?"

Andy blushed nervously "Hi"

Matt smiled "It's nice to finally meet you Andy…I'm Matt, Sarah's husband"

"Nice to meet you" she smiled back

"I see you already met Cece" he pointed to the girl who sat with her sister "That's Gabby…and this is Tyler" he said motioning to the little boy who was shyly standing beside his father.

"Hello" Andy smiled softly

At that moment, Sam walked out of the kitchen "I thought I heard you two monsters"

"Uncle Sammy!" Gabby and Tyler both yelled and ran into Sam's arms.

Andy couldn't help but smile at the interactions between Sam and his family. He was right, she had nothing to worry about. But now she worried what they would think when they found out she was basically 'crazy'.

"So Matt, how've you been?" Sam asked

"Pretty good" he smirked "And I see your truck is doing good too…no bullet holes this time" Matt flashed back to when Sam brought his truck to him to fix.

"_Hey Matt" Sam said as he walked into Matt's garage "I uh…have a little problem" he gestured to the holes in his truck._

"_Jeeze Sammy. Bullet holes?"_

"_It wasn't me…it was McNally" Sam said_

_Matt was shocked "You actually let a rookie drive your precious truck?"_

"_She's not just a rookie" Sam muttered under his breath._

_But Matt heard what he said, and he knew at that moment that Sam had finally met his match._

"You're never going to let that go" Sam laughed and then turned to Andy"Matt here is the one that fixed up my truck after you got it full of bullet holes"

Andy blushed "Well if you didn't want the bullet holes then you shouldn't have lent it to me"

"You asked to borrow it"

"So you let anyone who asks borrow your truck?"

Matt had trouble holding back his smile, because he knew that wasn't the case.

* * *

After the dinner rush was over, Matt left to take the kids home. Sam and Andy sat at a table absolutely beat.

"So do you do this often?" Andy asked

"What?" Sam replied

"Cooking and 'waitressing'." She smiled

"Waitressing? Really Andy?"

Before Andy could say anything else, Sarah approached them "Hey thanks for helping out guys"

"It's not like I had a choice" Sam muttered good-naturally

Sarah slapped her brother in the back of the head "You better watch it Sammy or I won't give you any food to bring home" she said

"It was no problem Sarah" Andy laughed at the perturbed look on Sam's face

"How do you put up with this idiot, Andy?"

"He didn't give me a choice" Andy replied "He's like those annoying little mosquitoes that just won't leave you alone"

Sarah laughed

"Hey what's this, pick on Sam day?" Sam pouted jokingly. Seeing Andy so comfortable with his family, and seeing her so at ease and being like her old self just warmed his heart; Sarah always did have a good effect on those around her.

"Hey Andy, now that it's not busy, I was wondering if we could talk…alone" Sarah asked

Andy swallowed nervously before she let out a shaky "Sure"

As Sarah led Andy to her office, all that Sam could think was _'Oh shit!' _He had told Sarah everything about Andy…everything, and now she was going to find out and hate him for it.

* * *

When Sarah closed the door to her office, Andy's nervousness increased.

"Andy, I wanted to…talk to you about a few things, the first um…can you try not to be mad?"

Andy dreaded what Sarah was about to tell her but she nodded anyway.

"The first thing is that Sam…he told me everything"

Andy paled "Everything?" She couldn't help but feel betrayed

Sarah nodded "But Andy, he only told me because he cares about you so much and he was really worried, he was unsure of the best way to help you…so he asked me"

Andy just nodded and when she didn't say anything, Sarah continued.

"I know Sam trusts you enough to have told you some about our…past" Sarah said "But I know he's never told you the full story because he just never talks about it, even to me"

"Sarah you don't…"

"I want to tell you Andy" Sarah interrupted, and then she began "Our mom died from cancer when Sammy was just 3 and I was 8; and dad was extremely protective of the both of us. He was always telling us to never walk home in the dark, to call him and that he'd come pick us up. I was 13 and my friend a few streets over invited me to a sleepover; I went and had a good time, later on when everyone was asleep, I was still wide awake and just couldn't get to sleep, so I decided to sneak out and walk home. There was a shortcut through an alley; I walked it plenty of times before, just never in the dark…that was the biggest mistake of my life. I was halfway through the alley when I was j…jumped from behind, I fought as hard as I could, but there were 3 of them…they were taunting me and laughing…one of them gagged me so I couldn't scream. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital; my dad found me, my friend's mom woke up in the middle of the night and came to check on us and she saw I was gone so she called my dad" Sarah took a tissue and wiped her eyes "I shut everyone out, but Sammy was constantly trying to cheer me up…he thought I was just sad" she laughed softly "He even memorized an entire joke book…and dad would never let me out of his sight, he even quit his job to home school me" Sarah swallowed hard "The cops found the guys that did it…and those bastards got away with it because of 'insufficient evidence' and because I couldn't positively identify them. But I knew it was them…I remembered their voices and they were smirking the whole trial. A few weeks later the cops knocked on our door, they said the 3 guys that assaulted me were attacked…and Dad's DNA was found at the scene. My dad had beat them to a pulp…one was dead, one was paralyzed from the neck down and one was severely brain damaged. Dad…he was convicted of first degree murder and two counts of attempted murder…he was sentenced to life in prison." Sarah shook her head at the insanity of it all, that her father got put in prison for taking justice into his own hands because the justice system failed her. "Tyler Hayes, a young cop that was on both cases from the beginning, he took us in because we didn't have any other family. His brother Matt was my age; it was just the two of them because their parents died the year before in a car accident. Here Tyler was, a single 28 year old guy raising 3 kids who all were affected by tragedy, while he himself was still grieving over the loss of his parents and he still made sure to take Sammy and I to the prison to visit dad." Sarah smiled "Dad always made sure the guards would have ice cream for us, all they ever had was pistachio" she continued "Tyler made sure I had counseling and he got me a tutor until I felt ready to go back to school…Sammy was really upset that he wouldn't be at the same school as me and wouldn't be there to 'protect me' because I was starting high school. So he threatened Matt that if he didn't watch out for me then there would be hell to pay and Matt did…it's because of Sam that Matt and I got together. And it's because I opened up enough to let them be there for me that makes me who I am today" she said "I'm married to a wonderful guy, I have 3 beautiful kids and I work doing something that I love…but Andy, I still have nightmares and I still have those bad days even after almost 30 years…but now they are few and far between, and when they do happen, Matt is always there to help me though it…just like Sam wants to be there for you"

Andy swallowed hard "He just wants to be there for me because he feels like he has to" she said quietly

"Andy, you can't seriously think that…Sammy wants to be there for you because he loves you"

Andy's eyes widened in disbelief "He…he doesn't love me"

"Of course he does…he would never have brought you here if he didn't and he never talks about anyone as much as he does about you" Sarah told her "Andy, you've had him hooked from the moment you tackled him in that alley and tried to kiss him"

"That's what he told you? Seriously?!" Andy said incredulously "I didn't try to kiss him, he fit the description of the perp we were looking for and he ran, so I tackled him, there was no kissing involved"

Sarah just laughed softly, and then her facial expression became more serious "Can you honestly tell me that you don't have feelings for Sam?"

Andy's eyes widened in shock, wringing her hands nervously and was very quiet for a long moment before she answered "…no"

Sarah gave her a small smile "Then I think you guys have a shot"

"I…"

"Andy, you don't have to say anything…let me do for Sam what he did for me and just promise me you'll think about it" she told her.

Andy swallowed and nodded slowly

"Thank you" Sarah replied

* * *

On the drive home, Andy was very quiet, she didn't seem mad at him, she just seemed to be thinking about something…but he was still nervous. When they got back to Andy's place, Sam was surprised when she invited him in. After Andy closed the door behind them and they both sat on the couch, Sam spoke "Look, Andy…I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have broke your trust by telling Sarah but…"

"It's okay Sam" she interrupted

"I…what?"

"I understand why you told her" she told him

"You do? Uh…what did you talk about?" he asked nervously

"You guys have been through so much" Andy said quietly and Sam tensed, nobody knew the full story about his past, but he told Andy more than he's ever told anyone, which wasn't much. But now that she knew everything, he felt extremely vulnerable, a feeling he didn't like one bit. Andy continued "But you overcame it because you had each other…you were right, she is living proof that it does get better, and so are you…it doesn't happen overnight, it takes time and a lot of work…and trust, I have to be able to ask for help when I need it and for comfort when it's a bad day…its one step at a time" She suddenly got up and went to her bedroom.

"Andy what are you doing?" he asked confused

She came out of her room with something in her hand "Something I need to do" she slowly walked back over to Sam and took his hand in hers, she nervously placed her pocket knife in his open palm.

"Andy…" he had no idea what to say

"It's very special to me" she said quietly "But every time I see it, it's a temptation to cut…so I…I want you to have it" she trailed off

Sam was astounded, the trust she showed in him with this action rendered him speechless. Andy giving him her knife was so significant and meant so much to him, more than words could ever express. It showed him that she was ready to take the next step in her recovery. It showed him that she knew she had to make changes in order to adapt and accept the way her life is now, because she had to move forward in order to get to her new 'normal'.

"One step at a time" she gave him a watery smile

He smiled back and pulled her into his arms, repeating her words "One step at a time"

* * *

_**This chapter was very difficult for me to write, particularly the beginning with the doctor, and Sarah's story and the end with the pocket knife. So what did you think? Please review!**_


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